Sep 24, 2009

Lasting moments of pregnancy...

I know I talk often on my pregnancy...I have waited so long for it. We have certainly struggled for it and with it. And as I sit 25 days from my scheduled c-section...I have had time to reflect. I do love being pregnant...feeling those kicks still gives me chills. It is so miraculous. The whole process is magical and divine in their purest sense. As my last weeks go by...I do realize my energy has decreased. I find myself more and more impatient with circumstances and people and quirks. And I try to not...but those hormones can't help themselves. And I find myself more vulnerable..more sensitive and more aware of my many imperfections and more needy of reassurance. So I take a step back today and I just want to be grateful for this little being soon to come to our family. Christian was talking about him this morning saying he could hardly wait but then said "well, if he survives, right?" which I was immediately taken back. I think he said it in fun not really meaning what he said. And then the twinge of paranoia came back in my heart. My appointment with the fetal specialist tomorrow should share a lot about the health of our little man. And my thoughts race back to "if he survives". There has been NO indication he would not...but then we all know the fragile nature of those just never know. So today I turn my fears into faith that He loves this little guy as much/more than we do...and is helping him finish cooking in my ever-growing belly. Things will be great...we will see this cute little man...sooner than I realize...and then I will be wishing I had relished a little longer in those kicks inside.

Sep 16, 2009

Shane's special Disney date

Yesterday I took Shane on a special date to Disneyland for the day. I have been thinking I should do something special with him before the baby comes...and I have also been thinking that we should really not let our Disney passes go to waste. Two birds with one stone...short day at Disneyland with my favorite little 3 year old. We took Auntie Trisha and cousin Brody was little people's party. We could completely cater to their wishes...with no older siblings to dictate which rides would come next. But it was interesting the difference between their little personalities...Shane wanted to ride the Matterhorn and Brody wanted Alice in Wonderland. We found some compromises...and also left some rides for next time we go. The little men were starting to get edgey about we bribed them with a treat and decided to call it a day. It was perfect for pregnant mommy...not too long. And the weather was so pleasant. Thanks for taking me on our special date Shaney.

Sep 10, 2009

Nightmares in Dentistry

By no means do I mean that my dentist was a nightmare...but rather, my child receiving the dental work was such a nightmare yesterday. I can laugh about it today, but yesterday, it was a mixture of emotions like I wanted to strangle him, spank him, cry, hide my head in embarrassment,disown him...holy cow...a definite first mommy moment for me. Christian has NEVER thrown a fit like he threw yesterday at poor Uncle, Dr. Mark's dentists office. And over not a root canal or tooth was a few minor cavity fillings. Long story short, he FINALLY relinquished his fears, with MANY heavy threats to his livelihood as a child...and once he was pretty smooth sailing. And later, he laughed at how silly the whole tantrum was. I was just shocked that he would react like that. So...needless to say...I hope we don't have very many more cavities...and if we do, I REALLY hope he remembers how relatively painless it all was...and NEVER, ever behave like that again. I am laughing today and just wanted to permanently document our fun filled afternoon for Christian's recollection, to be used as needed.
And to Uncle Mark...thanks for not disowning us and throwing us to the curb for his teeth to rot out...although I would have understood after my stubborn child threw a tantrum in your office!

Sep 9, 2009

The meaning of lazy

Gavin sent me a quick text asking how my morning was and what I was up to...and I almost felt guilty telling him that I was taking a "lazy" morning. My laziness was, of course, after, grocery shopping, playing tutor and making a load of food for the Elders AND after my long weekend. Not that I am making excuses...just legitimate explanations=)
But its a mom. When I say means after I have already gotten children showered, fed,lunch packed, walked to school,more snacks once home....and the current maintenance of a 3 year old...but it felt so delightfully lazy watching a little TV and not minding the dishes in the sink, the laundry needing folding, the beds that I am sure are unmade... sometimes I think its just what the doctor orders...especially with growing bunchkin inside=)
Here's to lazy mornings!!

Sep 4, 2009

Where's Waldo?

On any given day, including some weekends and holidays...this is where you will find Gavin...Building 2 of Balboa Hospital, aka Naval Medical Center San Diego. When I go there, I have deja vu...haven't we lived through this, it was called Intern year. Quite possibly the worst year together...I was alone most of the time with 1 child but prego with #2 then half way through I gave birth to #2 with a C-section and had to manage mostly on my own. And we are again...2 kids prego with #3...headed for a c-section in 6 weeks (or earlier) and I don't think Gavin can take more than a week off of work...of which week, I will be in the hospital for most of it post-surgery. I am hoping my sister can come help me for a little while afterwards...becasuse the thought of having to do it all with Gavin totally occupied with work responsibilities just makes me ill, already!
Back to Gavin's routine...he works normal, long hours in the hospital (usually leaves around 6AM and returns 6 PM ...unless, of course, he is on call...then he usually has someone who needs immediate attention after normal work hours...home a bit later...and if we are lucky, he gets to come home for some dinner, put kids to bed...and almost without soon as we slow down for the day...he'll get paged. Usually requiring him to go into the hospital...which means he usually will just sleep there once the patient is done. No sense in coming back home for a short few hours just to turn around and head back. NOW, don't get me wrong...this is already a bit better than Intern year...he used to have 30 hour coming home no sleep no life. BUT, sometimes its more of a teaser. When Gavin is at home, he almost always has a few hours of studying that needs to be done to prepare for tests, quizes, next-day surgeries, presentations (should I go on...). So, home time really is not quality time, most of the time. He had to adjust back to this mentality...and try not to get overwhelmed by the expectations. He is amazing at what he does. And I think the thing holding him through that he is FINALLY getting to do what he loves in medicine. He loves the surgeries and specialty specifics...its amazing when you are doing what you like...even if it is all the time, in the middle of the night and at the cost of most other things. SO, for that we are grateful.
I have heard people tell me to get used to it, its just the life of a doctor. To which I reply, NO, actually it isn't...not in the specialty we have been holding out for so many years. To which I also reply, Thanks for the support and sympathy! Maybe this residency is a necessary evil...but it doesn't come easily and definitely not without major sacrifices for our family. I think it is just really hard for people who have not been down this road, to even start to comprehend where we have been and what we are going has been a physical, emotional and mental roller coaster. I have no doubt that we will look back in the future and see the growth and be so grateful for the sacrifices that will make a better future possible. And all the while, I fight to look at every day with its blessings and try to appreciate the daily moments of success. Luckily, we have had short glimpses of what our family life will be like once all is said and gives us hope and excitement.
So...why am I ranting about this....well, looking at this long, holiday weekend, I am facing it as Gavin will be on call the whole I am facing a new challenge. And looking forward to the birth...I am therapeutically gearing up! ...and a little mental note to anyone expecting much out of us this year...good luck..likely not to be much!